The Boy From State Street
When I went to the bar that night with one of my girlfriends, I didn’t expect to have any encounters of any kind. The expectation was for her and I to only sit and talk amongst ourselves.
You appeared so cool, calm and collected, damn near intimidating. Hand draped over the seat next to you, spread out taking up space, wearing a t-shirt in jeans — the shirt was white and crisp. Eyes slowly scanning the whole bar, sipping on a glass of beer while nodding along to the music in the background. From the looks of it, this wasn’t a new scenario for you, and flirting with a girl in a bar could be commonplace. It happened with such ease that I didn’t even realize the game taking place; You seemed like your were in your natural habitat. Not me. As I scanned the room the walls I’ve created were boarded up sky high, nervous to step out of the bubble and let any one new inside. Tense shoulders, hunched over my drink as the night began. When I noticed you noticing me, it felt weird and perhaps you felt that too — that I was new to this all. Who would have known something as small as flirting would feel like such complicated thing?
You thought differently. They were belting out the lyrics songs from the Grease soundtrack… I think it was “Hopelessly Devoted to You.” By the end of the night, it the bar had dwindled down to just our two tables. My friend decided to play a game of cards with your buddies. I hovered over the table watching my friend, and then you and I locked eyes. I couldn’t seem to speak, I felt too awkward so instead I smiled at you before I turned and left the bar. The encounter lasted only a matter of seconds but created a lasting memory.
I’m not quite sure why my mind returns to this night, to you. Maybe it was your cheesy grin. Maybe it was your demeanor, your confidence. Maybe it was, none of the above. Maybe it was a reminder of what has been missing from life for so long. Maybe i’ll see that smile again sometime, who knows?
Nobody could tell me to anticipate this year to be as terrifying as it turned out to be, let alone turning 21 during a pandemic still ravishing the world, certainly less than desirable situation. The pandemic made me feel like a shell of who once was. I used to feel confident enough to approach someone at a party, introduce myself and create a connection but now? Not even close. Only comfort was the screen I would find myself starring at everyday, doing homework or watching TV. There were no possible experiences to be had out in the world that would prepare me for flirting in the bar with ease. I feel like now I have to relearn many things that used to be second nature, and unlearn the traits the pandemic instilled in me. To not sit inside alone everyday, to enjoy the weather and people I love. To find new hobbies, and challenge the boundaries present, in hopes of breaking down some of the walls that were made.
Glimpses of your smile still pop in my head sometimes like my mind is taking a polaroid picture, the image a blur with only a cheesy grin visible. I never got your name.
The Girl from State Street
